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why i feel this, revisited feeling from deep youth, trying to… - el camino [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
aykinoxia

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[Oct. 25th, 2011|12:31 am]
aykinoxia
why i feel this, revisited feeling from deep youth, trying to integrate with people and still feeling rejected for being who i am, feeling like the one we don't really want, the one that does not belong.

i like being a black sheep, i think it is a virtue. i think it is the most interesting people.

why do i let myself be hurt by the comments of the other? why do i take it like this? nothing is wrong with me. nothing is wrong, even though they say there is... nothing is wrong, i am who i am.

we are who we are and if we don't integrate so easily it's just that we have a different bug than others. that's why it is beneficial to be yourself, with other people who are themself.

how can i have my place in the golden chariot without pretending i am someone else?
what what what?
i used to think it's because i am ugly. not the right hair, not the right face, not the right clothes... not enough money... i have hated myself so much for it and made it worse.

this trip, will make me visit this? it already started like this... being kept out of a ride full of beautiful people and facing the way alone... like it's always been. but i see it clearer, no wait, i've always seen it clear... but i was ashamed of it. ashamed of being myself, living this experience. why why why? i still am, a little. but i am more... mad? yes. i am. but i also have consciousness to make me go farther than being just mad.

explore. help me, life.
i understand those that pray... this is like a prayer.
mysticism, consciousness, prayer, evolution, understanding, acceptation, love.

everything <3
good night from san fransisco :)
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: psyrah
2011-10-25 01:52 pm (UTC)
You inspire me like not many others have and it's because you are different, in a way I can't explain. I see myself in you and these things you write about seem very familiar. It's a life full of many ups and downs but you hold a unique beauty. <3
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[User Picture]From: cosmic_soiree
2011-11-03 03:42 pm (UTC)
It is the little differences and imperfections that make us shining stars :) Work what the good goddess gave ya, honey! You carry a bright inner light that people are drawn to.
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