it was always there,
but i could never share
did you want a little one that you could break,
and i did not know myself ...
i was impressed, wanted to know
what goes beyond, what can break me.
maybe i am strong,
maybe this is my strenght ?
i don't know.
am i allowed to take pride,
or should i remained submitted,
stuck between a rock and a hard place
where being myself is wrong,
but being fake is also wrong...
i have no roots
and i feel sad
and half lazy
i am not lost,
i do not aspire to be lost anymore.
i found something, extracted from the shadow,
a strenght shattering.
i wish the world to be soft and shining hardcore
i wish the world to be love endless
the tention between opposites is palpable
inside me also, but outside, everywhere.
this makes me sad, what can i do.
grow flowers plants green
paint a million colors
but i have no roots
always looking for a better place
always running, working, building to destroy
impermanence is my world now
what is love. and. what is friendship.
what is care, what is the link
between the people i like, love, what ?
what is attachment,
what is it when people become a part of you ?
what is it when you dream or long for people ?
what is fantasy ? what is real ?
what are soul connections, soul families,
what are stangers ?
what when you grow apart from all this reality
and you wake up suddenly
in the middle of all the questions
that should have been answered so long ago ?
what is depth, and how deep does it go ?
what is trust, what is choice, what is fate ?
you show me the wall
i am eternally grateful for this
facing the wall is the way
but it's easier to run away
what is this stuff
the stuff i am made of
the knot of all my being
it holds me together,
it is the wall.
but how to get through
how really wtf.
there is no map of me,
i can walk the meanders of ego
with no eyes, no light, nothing
i try to explain with words
but the meaning is deep
sometimes i wish to be understood
and someone to tell me they know,
and someone who was there before to show me a way
but all i hear is that i am alone
i am duplicate
one dark, and one light
one fantasy, one reality
one joy, one frustration
the fracture in my soul
in my tower of insurance
and still no answer.
we hold space space space
at the frontier, at the limit
wind in our hair, in our brains
heavy like rain
is there a door,
is there a place
and time for this
everything is real
nothing is mystic
ears to the earth
i am listening
to the slightest changes in the vibration.
do people awaken, or they are still asleep
will adversity change them
for better or worse...
what is the cause of this tearing.
i take all info i can get :)
the depth of the experience
i find nothing written about it
maybe because it cannot be written,
and it cannot be shared ?
swimming in unknown
but i know...
there is interaction with the shadow
of all female energy, of our function in this world,
of the deepest experiences we can have,
of the culpabilisation of it.
i can't write. can i... can i.
how many paths are there,
within, without, upwards, downwards, explode, implode...
and circulate. an give back. and not take. and not be taken.
and not consume, or be consumed.
and the moment.
i do not want the feminist aspect of it,
that tells us we have been used and abused,
as i know we also have been taking without conscious consent,
and the abuse is two-ways by nature.