what is love. and. what is friendship. what is care, what is the link between the people i like, love, what ? what is attachment, what is it when people become a part of you ? what is it when you dream or long for people ? what is fantasy ? what is real ? what are soul connections, soul families, what are stangers ?
what when you grow apart from all this reality and you wake up suddenly in the middle of all the questions that should have been answered so long ago ?
what is depth, and how deep does it go ? what is trust, what is choice, what is fate ?
you show me the wall i am eternally grateful for this facing the wall is the way but it's easier to run away
what is this stuff so deep-core the stuff i am made of the knot of all my being it holds me together, it is the wall.
but how to get through how really wtf.
there is no map of me, i can walk the meanders of ego with no eyes, no light, nothing i try to explain with words but the meaning is deep sometimes i wish to be understood and someone to tell me they know, and someone who was there before to show me a way but all i hear is that i am alone in this
the depth of the experience i find nothing written about it maybe because it cannot be written, and it cannot be shared ?
swimming in unknown but i know... there is interaction with the shadow of all female energy, of our function in this world, of the deepest experiences we can have, of the culpabilisation of it.
i can't write. can i... can i. how many paths are there, within, without, upwards, downwards, explode, implode... and circulate. an give back. and not take. and not be taken. and not consume, or be consumed. the presence and the moment.
i do not want the feminist aspect of it, that tells us we have been used and abused, as i know we also have been taking without conscious consent, and the abuse is two-ways by nature.